This was such a crazy year that I'm having a hard time looking at it objectively. For some reason I just don't seem to be able to see the big picture this time, so immersed that I am in the little things that have been bothering me lately.
I feel kind of numb. Everything is well (apart from my dread of the online teaching gig), this was a year full of good things (and its fair share of craziness and turmoil), but I just don't seem to feel that there's any spark to any of it.
As we become older, at least that's what I have been experiencing in the past several years, we become more and more rational and less emotional and "touchy feely." And moments such as Christmas and New Year's Eve that in the past -- particularly in my childhood and teenage years -- were filled with nostalgia and melancholic musings are now nearly meaningless. And I don't really seem to care! I don't like to feel numb! I've always been such an enthusiastic person. I don't much like this person that I've become :-(.
The problem is, I feel, is that there is no time, to pursue the things that I am passionate about, the things that bring "spark" to life. There are many responsibilities, taking care of the kids, the house, hosting parties, shopping, answering the phone even (I had to do that four times while trying to write this post!).
So, this post is a lame attempt to look back at the year that passed and try to infuse some "spark" into my numb self.
I should be happy, shouldn't I, that I finished the PhD, too bad I keep on thinking on how it's not really "useful" to me (except in the nightmare of the online gig, which one could do even with an master's).
I am indeed extremely thankful for all the home renovations, because we have new siding, brand new roof, nice tiled bathrooms. That made me happy yesterday when we were looking at two spectacular "model homes" in our friends' neighborhood. I don't much mind looking at this fancy shower when I know that mine at home is beautiful, if small ;-).
I am glad that K is no longer working at Big Pharma and is excited (if tired by the long commute) with his work at the university and I am enjoying immensely my work at the school -- the most relaxing job I've ever had! (is that an indication that I should continue being involved with elementary school education?)
what else... we had a lovely Christmas with family. We traveled a lot -- to Brazil, to Boston/Cambridge, to MA a few times, now to Florida.
My youngest nephew was born!! My brother moved to New Zealand. My grandma is now resting in peace. We celebrated 14 years of marriage in great style.
Many many things (I'll come back to include links).
Most important of all, we're healthy, and happy, and together. That's the most important thing of all!
Into the darkness
54 minutes ago